Tough week…yup…tough week, for no particular reason other than having an overwhelming feeling in my gut and not being able to digest it. For as long as I can remember this “feeling” happens to me…I get these “feelings” from time to time, I like to call them feelings of intuition, but really it’s God tugging at me to listen up. Normally I can get to the meat of it and focus my prayer to relieve the “feeling”. But there have been a few times that I just can’t shake it. Well, this week I have spent the entire week with my gut in my throat and not being able to pin point its point. I can’t focus at work, can’t sleep well and I become emotional in my quiet time. Eeek! I would like to think that it’s adoption related and we will receive word that the ICBF has approved us, but I just don’t think that’s it…it’s more than that. I may never know…ugh…I hate surprises. Actually, I do feel better today…what a relief.
Maybe I am just feeling overwhelmed at the fact that God thinks enough of us to give us 2 more blessings to raise. When you put it that way you are reminded of what a huge responsibility it is to raise your children. Wow!
I am so anxious for the process to move along. Emilee (and the rest of us) really wanted to travel by Christmas. She keeps saying, “look at all the miracles already, we can still travel by Christmas.” The faith of a child! I am trying to think realistically that it will be in the late spring, I don’t want to get our hopes up and be let down. But Emilee gets upset with me for my lack of faith. Actually, I have complete peace about the timing. God knows I am not the most patient person when it comes to surprises so if He doesn’t give me peace, I will become a crazy lady and probably not very pleasant to be around.
Several families from CHI will be traveling this weekend and will meet their children early next week. I am hoping a few of them can blog some so we can keep up with their journey. And for some reason it helps our time here go a bit faster. I guess because by reading their journals it makes us feel a part of their journey and distracts us from “our wait”, but also allows us to rejoice that an orphaned child has found their forever family and is loved. Not to mention it’s just really cool to feel so close to what’s going on when you are so far away.
I just can’t wait to see their faces, learn their personalities, and love them as they so deserve. I have noticed that I am now noticing every pregnant woman around me. We are what is called “Paper Pregnant”, the swelling is of the spirit and soul. I remember all the questions we had when we were pregnant with Emi and Nate. What will they look like? Will they be a mommy’s girl/boy or daddy’s girl/boy? Boy or Girl? Fussy or easy going? And on and on the list goes. It’s all part of the pregnancy, it’s fun. The biggest difference is that when you are physically pregnant, you know that at the most in 9 months time you will have your hands on your little one. But being paper pregnant there is no definite time, I guess that’s why the wait is harder. Plus knowing the children are living in less than optimal conditions…mmm…tough to swallow.
"Let us hold fast to the hope we profess without wavering - for He who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23
Back in a week…or sooner if we hear something!
Maybe I am just feeling overwhelmed at the fact that God thinks enough of us to give us 2 more blessings to raise. When you put it that way you are reminded of what a huge responsibility it is to raise your children. Wow!
I am so anxious for the process to move along. Emilee (and the rest of us) really wanted to travel by Christmas. She keeps saying, “look at all the miracles already, we can still travel by Christmas.” The faith of a child! I am trying to think realistically that it will be in the late spring, I don’t want to get our hopes up and be let down. But Emilee gets upset with me for my lack of faith. Actually, I have complete peace about the timing. God knows I am not the most patient person when it comes to surprises so if He doesn’t give me peace, I will become a crazy lady and probably not very pleasant to be around.
Several families from CHI will be traveling this weekend and will meet their children early next week. I am hoping a few of them can blog some so we can keep up with their journey. And for some reason it helps our time here go a bit faster. I guess because by reading their journals it makes us feel a part of their journey and distracts us from “our wait”, but also allows us to rejoice that an orphaned child has found their forever family and is loved. Not to mention it’s just really cool to feel so close to what’s going on when you are so far away.
I just can’t wait to see their faces, learn their personalities, and love them as they so deserve. I have noticed that I am now noticing every pregnant woman around me. We are what is called “Paper Pregnant”, the swelling is of the spirit and soul. I remember all the questions we had when we were pregnant with Emi and Nate. What will they look like? Will they be a mommy’s girl/boy or daddy’s girl/boy? Boy or Girl? Fussy or easy going? And on and on the list goes. It’s all part of the pregnancy, it’s fun. The biggest difference is that when you are physically pregnant, you know that at the most in 9 months time you will have your hands on your little one. But being paper pregnant there is no definite time, I guess that’s why the wait is harder. Plus knowing the children are living in less than optimal conditions…mmm…tough to swallow.
"Let us hold fast to the hope we profess without wavering - for He who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23
Back in a week…or sooner if we hear something!
5 comments:
I think the waiting to find out who your children will be is the hardest part. Once I knew I was much more at peace. I realize more every day what a privilege it is to be given these children to raise. Before you know it the time will come.
Karen
I know how it feels to have those "feelings" you were talking about. I get them too...sometimes it is hard to figure out why you feel that way, other times it is very distinct as to why you "feel" that way.
I'm sure that you are just getting very anxious about finding out who your future children are, what they are doing, where they are, and I know your list goes on and on. It won't be long before you will get to meet them. You and your family will be together before you know it. So until then...there is always your Spanish disks to work with and sports for Emi and Nate.
Keep your head up! :-)
The waiting and wondering is hard...but one of the things I really like about the way Colombia does things is that once you find out about your child, you get to go pretty soon and get them. I can't imagine how some of these others meet their child and then have to go home for weeks or months before getting to bring them home.
And hopefully in the meantime this feeling will pass and you will come to understand what you were meant to know from it.
Paper Pregnant!!! Love it!! I got a tee-shirt to prove it! Adoptionmama.com, I think... Anyways, congrats, one step closer...thanks for the scripture on the post...
Wendi, AP of 3, CHI June 2007
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