Here is a conversation had with Jessica this evening. Most of the time the conversations consist of me listening while Jess talks, so keep that in mind. Smile. She doesn’t give you too much time to get your thoughts in.
We were getting out of the van to go into the grocery store and Jess says (in her very best English), “Mom you teach me how to look for cars and I be careful. I know how to be careful. You don’t make me hold hands now because you teach me how be careful. But, pause, Dad makes me hold hands. I know why he does. Because he love me too much.”
“That’s exactly right Jess, Daddy loves you very much and doesn’t want anything bad to happen to you,” I reply.
“I already know that he loves me too much. And you too mom. I already know this.”
I smile at her and before I can reply she looks at me and says, “it’s because we’re a family.” Then off she went to pick the perfect cart for us to use.
I love these kind of moments and don’t ever want to take them for granted. We are so very blessed with great kids, willing to love and to learn. Jess is going to be my kid that we are going to have to use some creative parenting with. And I don’t mean that in a bad way. She is just so adaptable and smart that we have to be sure we are teaching her to use her skills in a positive way. She has a great artsy creative side that I want to continue to tap into. I learn more about her everyday as her English is progressing and she can put more thoughts into words. There is so much to adore.
Then there is Emi. I have seen such a transformation in her this year. It’s really hard to believe what a young woman she is fairly gracefully becoming. She is growing and learning in so many areas of her life and I feel very blessed she is willing to share with me. See I was the kid who never spoke of my own feelings or thoughts, not even to my friends. I was the listener, the, I will get close to you but you will never get too close to me, kind of girl. Emi on the other hand is very willing to share her thoughts, feelings and life experiences with me. This is a very different kind of personality than I had. I was the learn it the hard way cuz I won’t ask for help kid. Emi, although not always willingly, will accept advise and apply it as she sees fit in her relationships and life. I see strong traits in her that are going to allow her to go far in life. She is going to take some hits for some of these traits, but in the long run will be highly respected.
Just tonight after everyone was in bed she just wanted to lay by me and chat. She talked about the dance she went to, about kids who are making bad choices and why, about silly things and girly things and life in general. You know parenting a teen is tough. Be a mom not a friend, and just where is that line. Don’t ask too many questions, but ask enough to be informed and not over step your boundaries of making them uncomfortable and not willing to talk. It’s tough I tell ya. You listen and subtly guide them while at the same time building them up and helping them to define who they are and who they want to become. It’s really mentally exhausting but serves me great pleasure when I see Emilee heed to my words and use them to help herself grow.
I have tried to teach her to consciously analyze behavior in herself and in others. If you have a day you feel like crying, cry, but why do you cry. Too tired? Feeling the pain of a friend? Stressed? If you have a day you just have no patience, what do you do. You rise above it but give yourself space and time to change your mind set. When you feel like laughing, bring someone along with you, spread the cheer. But what is it that makes you happy today? Christmas lights? The laughter of little kids? A good experience between friends? When we analyze, we seek God, He speaks, and we grow. It’s just that simple, but yet so complex. But Emi really seems to understand this idea and at a young 12 years olds. I watch her seek for more love, more laughter, more fun, more maturity, and a greater purpose in life. She will be a person who makes a difference in many peoples’ lives, a vessel that God will use.
My girls…wow…parenting is not easy and I have many shortcomings when it comes to being a good mom. Lord never let me forget how blessed I am, never let me cease to seek your face in becoming a better parent to my kids, and don’t let me fall too short as a paretn for the sake of the jewels you gave me.
